A passionate pastor. There's no words to describe him. He fights for New York City like no other pastor I have seen.

Sorrow, my comfort food

I have hit a point in my life when I was sick of being sad. I was sitting down one day and I was thinking how far back it had gone, how long had I feed my sorrows? The shocking and really disturbing thing was that it had been over 10 years. I had a secret addiction and it was sorrow. When a feeling becomes common you do not even realize how much it impacts your life, the feelings of joy, excitement and motivated are all great feelings. Unfortunately for me I had NO idea what that felt like, for about 4 years those feelings had not even knocked on my door. I did not know what joy felt like until I had a dream about it. Yes a dream about joy, go figure. On a regular night I went to sleep and had one of those white lights every where dreams. The only thing that you saw was my face, I knew my body was there but only the left side of my face was visible, I was looking at myself smiling which is a foreign concept to me. I realized that I was talking to someone on my right side, I was laughing and looked like I was having a good time and for the first time I felt joy. I had an innate feeling that the person I was talking to was Jesus. Before that day my relationship with God was like my relationship with fruits, I always had fruits around I just did not desire it. That all changed that night, after I woke up to what seemed immediately I cried. I cried so hard for my joyful self, I never knew that girl. I did not know she existed and I did not know how to get her to stay. For the next couple of months I sought that joy. I could honestly say that after 6 months of me building a relationship with Jesus, everything that could go wrong did.It was as if I was going against the current of the river, fighting for my joy while my circumstances were against me. Still today I struggle, I find myself in a awkward place when I smile. I think that the concept of being happy for too long is not normal and I have an internal battle to stay there because sorrow was not my friend but she does know how to walk in to my life uninvited. My sad friends I will like to give you some advice, fight for your joy everyday. This battle is constant and it is a tiring but a rewarding fight. I can not tell you how many times a day I have to give myself a pep talk. I think about what a side comment will do to my attitude, or how my willingness to take the constant test to curse instead of smile comes and goes. However I have taken this foreign concept and adapted it to my everyday life, and although it does seems unfamiliar here it sure is welcomed because when I shut the door to the sad me, the glad me was waiting with luggage.

Through the white noise..

We live in times that if your not screaming for attention your not getting it. Our lives seem to be in a hurry and our minds are thinking about 100 different things at the same time that we for get God. Luckily he never forgets us so when we stop to hear his voice and all we get is white noise we get discouraged. What we do not realize is that we stop and listen to God on our timing and we expect him to answer immediately. I do not believe in a silent God, God his never mute. In his silence he is giving your the opportunity to be obedient, patience, humble, courageous and most of all faithful. God is not only there in the hard times but in the good, he has us in the palm of his hands and he will step in when he needs to. I've learned recently that when I do not hear the voice of God it's because he wants me to keep talking. He wants us to keep communicating with him because he wants to build a relationship with us, he does not only want to be there when we ask for guidance or favors. His silence his asking you to walk by faith not by sight. He is there every step you take and he will guide you and when you are at the fork in the road. In 1Kings 2:3 it says " Observe what the Lord your God requires; Walk in obedience to him, and keep his decrees and commands, his laws and regulations, as written in the Law of Moses. Do this so that you may prosper in all you do and wherever you go" he's asking you to trust him and his promises. Remember the harvest is plenty but the workers are few, walk in his ways and turn down the volume of the world so you can amplify God's voice.

Rely on His words

I'm a 28 year old woman, I like to say woman because it gives me a maturity but I have to be honest I feel like just a girl sometimes. Life has not given me many experiences and challenges and I'm open for more. I know that for some age makes a huge difference when it comes to taking advice or giving advice and I like to say that when you get older, you realize that you start to give your parents advice and it feels weird. There was a time when they were the ones you went to for advice, usually in college when you have passed your "these ( when I say theses I mean our parents or parent for some) people are so annoying stage" and you start taking advice from them once you realize that they were right. However I am trying to find the transition between taking advice from my mother to giving her advice. For me it takes just a moment or a certain situation for the roles to be switched. For me that was when my parents where having trouble with their marriage, I just graduated from college and already had my first job. My mother was a mess, she was lost and did not know what to do. Usually those who have more than one child know that they are blessed with all of their children but there is only one that will fix what needs fixing when it comes to family. That person is me, so I started giving my Mom advice taking her to a therapist and so forth. The marriage ended up being fine after some time, it was just another bump in the road. Fast forward to today, like really today at 8:50 this morning. My mother was talking about health and fitness and her and my father's life span and out of no where she says " we have to do things ourselves because no one has ever helped me." Immediately I flashed back to 5 years when I took time off from work and was by her side at a rough moment but I kept my mouth shut. I feel that when you decide to spit back something it should always be something positive, I've learned to rely on my words and my faith when it comes to life's quest. About a year ago I've decided to follow Jesus and it's been a rough journey. What it looks like when your walking in is heaven's rays reaching out towards you and your hair blowing in the air but what it has been in a constant test of faith. In the word it says "Do what he teaches you to do. Keep his words in your heart" and that is what has pushed me to leave my old self at the cross and continue this journey. The old me would have told my mother everything I have done for her but the person I am and continue to strive to be will continue to be there for her and my family no matter what because my words are a representation of my journey and it matters to me to follow him and faithfully live out his words. In John 4:41 it says " Because of his words, many more people became believers." That's what I believe I am here for is to help others find their way to Jesus. Rely on his words at all times and your soul will forever seek his joy,his mercy, his grace and above all his unending love.

Running from evil

My mind is completely silenced during the day light no thought and every thought flows no ideas, no worries nothing but the dead white noise that occupies my mind at night it says everything and nothing as well in slumber it might as well scream my fright my silent mind is quiet, so tranquil like the sound of stairwell in a high rise building at midnight my silences is disrupted breathing comes to life i realize i am in my elementary school building wearing my school girl uniform standing in the entry of the bathroom frighten, aware before I could turn I already see his face hungry, beating heart racing no sounds escape my mouth albeit the sounds of my feet pounding up the stairs one floor two floor three floors up I realized I have arrived at the end still running from this evil and the only sound that dances is the sound of my breath with the sound of his cape there's no escape i try the first door and it's locked the second and third are locked as well as I hurry to the end of the hallway i decide to face him I know what he wants, i know I can not give it to him my body begs my hands tremble my eyes close his mouth lingers in my face oh to taste the lips of evil, I hold tight to my rosary and I beg for strength I know that as he wraps his hands around my waste my battle looks lost his lips touch mine and i respond how could he think he's won I slowly pull away but only an inch and with the little strength in me I look at him my mouth moves actually it quivers as I say you can find me in the house of God